Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Stuck in the middle
I feel like I constantly stuck in the middle and I can't get anything done or finish something I start in the morning and at bedtime. Then I realize I am stuck in the middle. I am sandwiched between the kids and my dad. I want to stand up a yell I will handle your demand in the reverse order of which you were conceived. Then I think what about me? What have I done for myself this morning (other then potty and get a vat of coffee)? Why does everyone else always come first I am dead last? Done get me wrong this was my choice to live in the middle and I wouldn't change it for the world. I love seeing my kids interact with my dad and I LOVE seeing the joy in his eyes when he is with the kids but some days are just too much. It takes a lot to push me to this point I am at today. The point of frustrated, tired and grumpy because yes this is how I wanted to live. I wanted kids to know their granddad and I knew it would take a lot of hard work and long days. But it has been over a year since I had a break. We have not had a vacation away from my dad and/or kids in over a year. I am up everyday feeding, dressing, cleaning up after and then 2-3 nights a week I leave the house and go to work outside the home for a few hours. Then home to clean up the nights mess and start the bedtime process with dad and some nights Ty. My husband is great helping me when I need it but he is pulled in just as many directions as I am. I know he would love a break for the chaos. Without his love and support I would be lost. So I will remember to I can only help one person at a time and yes sometimes I need to be that person. I will count to 3 ok may be 10 when I feel like it is getting to be too much and I will continue to take time out to meal plan and workout. It is a small way of putting me first for minute but I am still holding out hope to one day get a massage a facial or at least night away for the circus I am seem to the ring master of. So my new mantra is you will be helped in the reverse order you were conceived. Thanks for reading my vent about being stuck in the middle!